So these older 10Gbit adapters will not work with the Aysnc ELXNET driver. Apparently only the legacy BE2NET works. I have some OCe11xxx as well and those work fine.
However what is odd is the the VMware HCL says these cards are supposed to work with ELXNET using elxnet version 10.2.298.5 which I have and Firmware version 4.9.416.2.
The firmware is where is gets weird because on Emulex site the jump from 4.4xxx to 10.0.803.37. I cannot find 4.9 anywhere!
An emulex engineer I spoke too said these OCe10102 cards are no longer supported and will not use ELXNET so you have to use BE2NET as they are not modifying firmware anymore. However after I spoke to him is when I discovered this mystery firmware on the HCL page.
So I was curious on the off chance if anyone is in the same boat as I am.